turning myself on
On Thursday, I throwback on how I threw it back: how the currents nestling within my womb would create a tune of self-efficacy. As I redirected focus, counting the rhythms to my own song, I would journey through the feeling as the other party, riding my beat, was on the other side of the room. After an elongated series of promiscuity and sexual casualty, I took moral inventory on my willingness to develop chemical bonds with masculine energy I had not discerned were safe. The instant gratification of erotic power unleashed left me empty simply because there was misalignment in the exchange of participating spirits. At the end of my proud draft of jezebel, I surfaced a prompt of discussion stating “what will you do when the one inquires on your sexual desire?” After a year of writing this, I now acknowledge there was a perspective I neglectfully did not consider— what if the empowerment of my sacral chakra warns me of danger? What if my reluctance to open my sensual energy fully in the bedroom was my intuition knowing the person I am agreeing to share energy with had put on a facade to gain my trust in hopes I’d fall into their deception. As a mutable sign, I tend to be very fluid in relationships, however, with a Leo stellium (a fixed sign), my idealism of my casualties gets buried. I disregard them, I tell myself it’s going to be fine. It never is.
In the poem, feel good, I conclude the exploration of self desire with the question: what you want when it don’t feel? When we spend our lives actively people-pleasing to self-soothe, playing savior roles in other people’s lives (codependency) and shaming self-intimacy, we play an active role in the demonization of sexual liberation, subjecting ourselves to confinement. Work at the sacral chakra invites us to listen to our own wisdom and trust what she tells us. She grants us the opportunity to be empowered by eroticism; to birth new ideas, practice discernment and express our feelings creatively. Our willingness to explore what we feel allows us to participate in a purpose that shifts the world.
Here are some things I like to do for sacral chakra healing:
🍑 Drink Chai tea
🍑 Meditate with yoni eggs (mahogany obsidian)
🍑 Wear silk dresses and red lipstick around the house
🍑 Spray dopamine before a self-intimacy ritual