Dream On, Black Girl

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Four years ago, I moved to NYC with this idea that I was going to enter into the Fashion Buying world. However, no one told me the nuances and political games I would have to face when arriving. "We're looking for someone who would fit into the company's culture" rang in my ears for the entirety of my experiences. Temp agencies didn't have the urge to find me roles looking to hire - just filling temporary positions to get a quick commission. For years, I've felt a sense of doubt, worthlessness, and defeat. What am I doing here? Do I really belong?

I'd hate to admit I was forced into entrepreneurship but it's so true. All of my managers beading around the bush on making me full-time like 'the company's budget' or complaining over my sick days even though they were previously approved. I was tired. I was tired of crying over companies who didn't give a damn about my well-being, tired of thinking I was the one missing something and, most importantly, tired of feeling this sense of invalidation from people who really didn't matter. So, I went to make something for myself: Luxy Haus.

Full transparency: this road has been tough. Yes, I am getting to do what I want and stress over work I genuinely love. However, I'm still stuck working in these temp roles because I need the money to fund. While I strive every day to not get attached, somehow, I always end up feeling empty when working in roles for companies who don't want me. Companies where I don't "fit into their culture." It hurts because why did I waste 5 years on higher education? What are these two degrees really doing for me right now?

On last Friday, I found out Victoria’s Secret would be ending my contract 45 days early and that I had five days left with the company. A company, where I expedited my knowledge of the business to keep it intact while my manager searched for her ‘perfect’ assistant, just showed me how invaluable I really was to them with no remorse. There was a numbness I felt internally because I just wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure why this was happening to me or what this meant. Could this be the answer to my prayer? Was God giving me a little nudge into the direction that was destined for me? The goal has always been to get out of this 'temporary' mindset but this feels so soon. I mean, yes, I want to solely work for myself but how can I afford to with no funding? I’m terrified.

 

With a community filled with angels who support the Luxy Haus vision, I came to this conclusion: God will give you sudden nudges for you to finally open your eyes and view the blessing He’s brewed for you. Naturally, as humans, we are so focused on our fears and limitations that we end up self-sabotaging ourselves. We’re voiding our blessing because we worry and overthink. I knew nothing about the editorial publishing industry; I hadn’t even learned InDesign! Yet, I was still able to curate five issues of an entire 78-paged fashion publication (with the help of those I’ve partnered with) in only a year. I was driven by sharing my experiences with my community; telling the next Black woman that I understand her and what she deserves. I boldly pursued the blessing God gave me and, now, He’s telling me it’s time. It’s time to solely grow my business and to stop putting myself in places where I'm unwanted. 

To the Black women in the world who are big dreamers: If you’re feeling invaluable in your workplace, take a risk and just leave! Leave and never look back.

Because God didn’t grant you this life if you weren’t strong enough to live it. Dream On, Black Girl.

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